am i easily manipulated?
am i easily manipulated?
i tire of this question maybe, because there may be truth in that i am. i am a child of peaceful although disastrous circumstaces. the dodo bird died because of his innocent behaviour. it reminds me of what they said about jimi hendrix in a documentary i saw about him the other day. they talked about his innocent quality which worked to his disadvantage. if you get what i am hinting at, this is not a survival trait. i had a friend a few years ago, i say had, because we used to be much closer. we would make films together, and travel and stuff. it was quite confusing because after a certain amount of time i never knew what was me and what was him. its like if you live with people or travel with them you lose your borders and get invaded by this alien landscape. i can say the same thing about my ex girlfriend. we used to live together, and thinking back to our relationship and whatever we did, i cannot say who caused what. was she manipulating me or i her? i do not know. all i know now is something horrible happened, but the trail of thought is lost. and how i became what i was, and then became the exact opposite instead of that.
my friend, i thought he would have grown as a human being, now that he's been away two years, but i find that he's just grown backwards. an even more closed man then he was, he drinks alot. he is frozen as a human being, not dealing with his own problems, instead launches attacks on the surroundings. a defence mechanism.
the people that manipulate us/we manipulate are often the ones closest to us, so how could we know the difference?
(i'm trying to learn to say no, thats the lesson i have to learn)
(i'm trying to learn to listen to myself instead of other people always)
we used to think we were elitists. we judged the society as borguese, and in order not to become that, we thought we had to do the opposite always. i was alone then, i had not found my place in this society, as i have done now. anyway, this attitude proved eventually self destructive. we didnt want the regular house and dog package, and instead judged ourselves to isolation. i suppose it can be said about all societies up to a point, but in iceland everything is very one-dimensional. there are onely two types of persons, with and against the common norm. i say common norm, becuase i consider myself normal as well. everybody wants to be the same. and in this sameness, there is the bliss. its a very vain society. we just sweep our problems under the carpet, and keep busy, so that everything is perfect on the surface. so if you disagree, your going to have alot of work to do. you must keep vigilant every moment. and i guess i just overdid it.
it's extremely ironic. the dagger i thought was my indipendance turned against me in the end.
it's hard to spent a period of few months here without everybody expecting you to have 2 kids and a dog and the whole package. now i'm going to be part of it, but i still i'm doing everything wrong.
the problem with growing up is, that it happens too late. its hard to even think about how naive i've been.
it doesnt seem to be possible to exclude yourself from the whole without excluding a part of your self as well. i mean that the problem with those who live on the verge is that we forget kindness. the hippies thought of themselves as an entirely new kind of human being, and failed. it's jsut too much to live up to.
i tire of this question maybe, because there may be truth in that i am. i am a child of peaceful although disastrous circumstaces. the dodo bird died because of his innocent behaviour. it reminds me of what they said about jimi hendrix in a documentary i saw about him the other day. they talked about his innocent quality which worked to his disadvantage. if you get what i am hinting at, this is not a survival trait. i had a friend a few years ago, i say had, because we used to be much closer. we would make films together, and travel and stuff. it was quite confusing because after a certain amount of time i never knew what was me and what was him. its like if you live with people or travel with them you lose your borders and get invaded by this alien landscape. i can say the same thing about my ex girlfriend. we used to live together, and thinking back to our relationship and whatever we did, i cannot say who caused what. was she manipulating me or i her? i do not know. all i know now is something horrible happened, but the trail of thought is lost. and how i became what i was, and then became the exact opposite instead of that.
my friend, i thought he would have grown as a human being, now that he's been away two years, but i find that he's just grown backwards. an even more closed man then he was, he drinks alot. he is frozen as a human being, not dealing with his own problems, instead launches attacks on the surroundings. a defence mechanism.
the people that manipulate us/we manipulate are often the ones closest to us, so how could we know the difference?
(i'm trying to learn to say no, thats the lesson i have to learn)
(i'm trying to learn to listen to myself instead of other people always)
we used to think we were elitists. we judged the society as borguese, and in order not to become that, we thought we had to do the opposite always. i was alone then, i had not found my place in this society, as i have done now. anyway, this attitude proved eventually self destructive. we didnt want the regular house and dog package, and instead judged ourselves to isolation. i suppose it can be said about all societies up to a point, but in iceland everything is very one-dimensional. there are onely two types of persons, with and against the common norm. i say common norm, becuase i consider myself normal as well. everybody wants to be the same. and in this sameness, there is the bliss. its a very vain society. we just sweep our problems under the carpet, and keep busy, so that everything is perfect on the surface. so if you disagree, your going to have alot of work to do. you must keep vigilant every moment. and i guess i just overdid it.
it's extremely ironic. the dagger i thought was my indipendance turned against me in the end.
it's hard to spent a period of few months here without everybody expecting you to have 2 kids and a dog and the whole package. now i'm going to be part of it, but i still i'm doing everything wrong.
the problem with growing up is, that it happens too late. its hard to even think about how naive i've been.
it doesnt seem to be possible to exclude yourself from the whole without excluding a part of your self as well. i mean that the problem with those who live on the verge is that we forget kindness. the hippies thought of themselves as an entirely new kind of human being, and failed. it's jsut too much to live up to.
posted by hallvardur at 11:23 PM
5 Comments:
"the hippies thought of themselves as an entirely new kind of human being, and failed. it's jsut too much to live up to."
I love this line. My parents were hippies I guess, and they are pretty good human beings, but they are just regular human beings in the end. Victim to the same insecurities, cruelties and vices that all of humanity is. I struggle with this myself, but I am trying to be a kind person while not wearing sandalwood beads and dancing in circles... know what I mean?
i wouldnt mind dancing in circles with you. anytime ;). anyway, i read some of your first entries, and they were really fascinating. i didn't understand excactly what was going on ofcourse. but i sometimes feel better putting things out that way as well.
That is interesting to learn your society is so closed in a sense. I suppose it makes sense; compared to the US it is a tiny place, all with the same language and background, and I suppose it is natural to strive for a sort of collective agreement.
Here, in a sense it is worse because it is like being in an ocean of people all different and disagreeing. You can beat your fists against the wall your whole life and no one will even notice. In a sense it is better, though, because you can always find a few people you can truly relate to if you are willing to look hard enough.
(auður). hæ dúlla. þú ert líka með georg heima hjá þér til að sjá um krakkann og uppvaskið ;)
thanks for the comment, mister underhill. i think it has to do with what age your in as well, pre 25 is more collective in a way, when your post 25 you feel you have to think individually, as being part of a collective cell of people is not good enough anymore.
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