my hang up (fantasies)

wherever the wind blows. wherever i lay my hat is my home.
that which is percieved, is all.
the grass is always greener on the other side.
be happy with what you've got.
nothing can harm me now, cause i don't care anymore.

i feel always as surprised when my dantasies seem to be so completely misguided. i know i should know better.
all the ones i like, ignore me.
all the ones that like me, i ignore.
nature has installed us to only want what we don't have.
i don't know, it's like an existentialist play, where everyone has the wrong feelings, for everyone else.
and it makes me wonder.
always when someone shows you interest, you're reaction is to move away.
always when someone doesnt, it makes you want to come closer.
i've always known this, but it never seizes to amaze me.
it makes all human contact completely impossable.
the only way then is to not care. but not caring doesnt get you anywhere. so it's just to pretend not to care.
which is what i'm doing.