the forgotten
well, i havent been to the movies on a monday for a while. but binni had free tickets through his work. he works at the húsasmiðjan selling people wallpaper and stuff. we even got free pop corn. this movie is very kind of other dimension b movie kind of stuff, but is was nicer for it. it started with this hysterical mother who has lost her son but nobody believes he ever existed. its a nice plot in a way. nothing is stronger then the mothers love. but before the film they played húsasmiðjans new advertisement campaign! it featured a very nice, respectable woman, who is explaining how she renovated her bathroom. they have 15 of these advertisements, they all end with the saying húsasmiðjan - no problem! and then they have the same jazzy chord, played on a hammond. they always have the same hammond lounge music underneath. its pure brainwash. we should cover it, come to think of that. anyway, i am more proud of being binni's friend after having seen this advertisements. it's a very important job to help people buy things.
i was thinking about how i have no friend, and i saw ishmael writing in his weblog about this too. but now i know that i have at least one friend, because i get to go to the cinema for free! i wonder is this a grown up thing for guys, to have no friends. i mean, there's maybe not so much of just meeting and going to get some coffee or something. everything is more focused about doing stuff. but we kind of have our own thing now.
i'm trying to find amore positive outlook on life. as up until now everything has been focused into the shadows. who the fuck am i, anyway? we never take ourselves into the account, everything is always about others. but there is this animal living inside me, i have to talk to it. i try to draw conclusions with my head, but my head does not always know what my gut is feeling. i do not always know what i feel. i know what i think. the animal knows, so i have to try and listen. ofcourse anxieties play a part too. anxieties can stop you from drawing conclusions. you overreact, there is nothing you can show but anger. fear leads to anger. i am a very closed individual in many ways. i show anger but little more. nobody can help you unless you let them. well well. therepists have a hard time with people like me, its difficult to cut through. i don't know if they can help at all. i am a sick man, but at the same time there is always today. i don't know if there is much more. i spend most of my time in the past. i worry about the future. i cannot change the past, i don't know anything about the future. but now there is work to be done.
i was thinking about how i have no friend, and i saw ishmael writing in his weblog about this too. but now i know that i have at least one friend, because i get to go to the cinema for free! i wonder is this a grown up thing for guys, to have no friends. i mean, there's maybe not so much of just meeting and going to get some coffee or something. everything is more focused about doing stuff. but we kind of have our own thing now.
i'm trying to find amore positive outlook on life. as up until now everything has been focused into the shadows. who the fuck am i, anyway? we never take ourselves into the account, everything is always about others. but there is this animal living inside me, i have to talk to it. i try to draw conclusions with my head, but my head does not always know what my gut is feeling. i do not always know what i feel. i know what i think. the animal knows, so i have to try and listen. ofcourse anxieties play a part too. anxieties can stop you from drawing conclusions. you overreact, there is nothing you can show but anger. fear leads to anger. i am a very closed individual in many ways. i show anger but little more. nobody can help you unless you let them. well well. therepists have a hard time with people like me, its difficult to cut through. i don't know if they can help at all. i am a sick man, but at the same time there is always today. i don't know if there is much more. i spend most of my time in the past. i worry about the future. i cannot change the past, i don't know anything about the future. but now there is work to be done.
posted by hallvardur at 12:02 AM
1 Comments:
I feel kind of like you do in many ways, I think. I have been pretty depressed before but it was also 'situational' because I had many things to be depressed over and drugs did not help me though they tried very hard.
I sort of wonder what a friend is really, sometimes. Sometimes I will eat lunch with a couple of my old coworkers, but I can't ever see saying anything important to them except as a joke. Anyhow, maybe it's best not to dwell on it too much - I also think about the past and future all the time, and the present just kind of seems to slip through my fingers.
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