crap

still sitting in this house of adolescent crap. nursing some sexual, vague desire. and nothing more. i'd like to graduate to the next level, but there is nothing there. it's a better deal just to feed this sensual stimulation, then trying to get serious about something that does not exist. still, sometimes i need reassurance. just to continue this bullshit existence. and when you hope for something strongly enough, it will appear, from out of thin air, it isnt there, except its there, just because i want it to be there. a wish taking on physical form. let me down easy. i am not ungrateful, i'd rather have the imaginary as a substitute for nothing at all. it will never change, no matter how much the outer circumstances change. still, everything can change all the sudden. the world could widen and become something else. but we are always ultimately alone, in every situation, in every decision. just remember that when your luck will turn.